in the early fall while the bees clean house, I conjure a moon that tastes of fireweed honey, sweet on the tongue and slow on the fingers, it climbs high behind the hickory tree and hangs in the topmost branches.
We need a patron saint for the banana boxes that they pack your groceries in down at Costco, … for boys in backwards ball caps, … for velcro shoes and old men with wraparound sunglasses. We need a patron saint for poets the ones without faith and the ones with scars from teenage acne, … for body oil, pipe bombs, and transdermal nicotine, … for every Mexican cab driver who has ever gotten me safely to my destination in spite of my inability to correctly pronounce colonia, … for the brown and white saddle shoes my mother wore in high school. We need a patron saint for the tumbling worded prayers of children who mistake God for Good, … for the space between Holy and Whole Foods, … for anaphor, onomatopoeia, and the cultural references to the 1970’s in the New York Times crossword puzzle. We need a patron saint for days when the sun shines slantwise and the dogs lie down in the dust behind the barns. We need a patron saint for small stakes gambling, … for unacknowledged acts of contrition, … for the places that angels cannot go because their wings do not fit.
A creased wedding photograph of a woman. A Mass Card when she passes. The facts of her life support no further conclusions. About the necessity of ambulances. The man who held her in his childish embrace. She is the silence that avalanches down to a mute son with too many mothers. Not enough uncles to help put the pigs back into the sties. On Friday night after the football game. Teenage boys lick the lipgloss off of the head cheerleader. She is the fact of a ride up to the cemetery. Her grandfather tumbles down with the cicadas. She is the silent face of a younger brother who collapses. The folding chairs and carries them to the attic full of trunks and shoe boxes. The shoes from her other life. She is the silence, a crimson wedge. Cheese rind made of ash from the steel furnaces that soot the city. We can say no more.
Muscles jostle against waterlilies. A scab can cover a wound for a punctuated year. I am like this sometimes— A cat licking chicken juice out of the bottom of the sink. The thing about the past is that the phone always picks up. Random facts never come to mind when you need a random fact. Of all the ways that we call the sea, why do we never call her lover? I wish I didn’t have these ears; they only make me lonelier. But my earrings sure are pretty. I am unsure where the sky ends and heaven begins. This way the spell will remain unbroken. My eyes are witness to the falling down of the one yellow sock—calcetine. Discretion is gone, along with the rest of my Spanish vocabulary. And now all my shoes have untied their neighbor’s laces.
Originally published in Loose Change, Ghost City Press, 2023.